Thursday, August 19, 2010

the latest me

i know i have not update my blog for quite sometimes already. very sorry! thanks for all the caring emails. i love to receive and really enjoy reading all your cutest concern for me... *touch*
hmmm... am i consider as starting to have certain readers for my blog :p very happy lor!
what were I doing for these 2 weeks?
i have done my reading for eat,pray,love by elizabeth gilbert, princess magical charms by and tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom. now reading for one more day by mitch albom, too.
i don't know since when i developed reading habit. but, to my surprise, i have really become a better girl. hmmm... in terms of emotional management. feeling management. i meant feeling towards those comment and incident that discomfort me. i was always throw my tempered to anyone who just next to me when thing doesn't happen on my way. but now, i am learning to think on their shoes before think on my own shoes. i will try my very best to think why he acts like that, why he talks like that to me? i am trying to see it from different perspective. and such act really calm me down much more faster than usual. the book that really touched me is tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom. it is about last 14 tuesday classes from a lecturer who has diagnosed "amyotrophic lateral sclerosis", called ALS in short to his student who received his lectures 16 years ago. i was crying the whole 14 chapters. i don't know why. but his message is so simple and direct. really leads me to think for my future. what do i really want? all these years, i thought i must buy a big house, drive luxurious car, eat whatever food i like, buy anything i love, hang around with anyone i am comfortable with. all these must be done with my family. this is really what i thought since the first day i know how to earn income. i had my 1st double storey at my age 18 then 2nd condominium at my age 19. what an awesome achievement for a young girl like me. after the book, i realized actually those materialistic stuff is not really what i want deep inside my heart. what do i really want is LOVE!!! lots of LOVE!! endless LOVE!!! true LOVE!! i am seriously lacking of LOVE all these years. is funny that i only realized it at my age 26. better than no chance to realize huh? the second i finished the last page, i have decided and committed to give out my true and sincere love to everyone around me. never expect for any returns. of course if i have the chance to receive love is much much much better. everyone does knows that we must give before we gain. i start to give first and you pour yours to me later on, deal?
now i realized that actually i am surrounding by love. but i never learn to appreciate. to me, i am so cute, that's why i deserve your love. but, i have misused the love that my friends gave it to me. i am sorry. i also misused the love that my parents give without any reason. i treats it as "lei so dong yin" which means is your JOB to give love. in fact, it is NOT. and if we treat today is our last day to live on the earth, the day we are going to die then you will have the complete 360 degree changes on your attitude to everything! human never believe that they will die one day or perhaps next second. that's why keep fooling the precious time. and always drag until tomorrow only to do. well, i am not up to that stage yet. i am still learning on how to really treat my day as my last day in life. i believe if one day i can adapt it into my life then i am completely another me. i believe i will gain more love. i really waiting for the day to come. very emo post huh? but this is me at this moment. suddenly i realize the things or principles that i am holding all these years are actually suffering me a lot. when your heart open, you really can see the opportunity everywhere. you will find out how childish you are on holding those really small matter, small person into your own personal life. i am like that. holding on a something not worth my time. foolish time. all the time has gone. i was creating drama in my head all these years. and those drama is actually not happen. hahaha! those are happening make me trying to escape but those are not happening make me face it everyday. hahaha! 
moving on....
wow! i do have some great news to share. i don't know what happened. but, there is 2 guys approached to me at the same time. hahaha!!!
both are Mr Nice Guy!

Friday, July 30, 2010


recently, i started to learn to be more open heart in sharing. sharing my real feeling deep inside my heart not my mind. mind always lie but rational. heart always honest but irrational. lie vs honest. it's so hard to weigh when comes for decision. honestly, i looked so rational in front of my family and friends but behind them i always do irrational things. this is the main reason why i still haven't settle down since 3 years ago. many bad incidents  happened over the past 3 years after our separation. hmmm.. i should said those were actually good signs for me. i realize i have control issues. i like to control everything. easily get depressed when the thing not going on my way. this could be the main reason why i escaped from my marriage years ago. thank you for all the experiences over the years, else i won't be able to write up this post. a real me post.
both of us are changed since 8 years ago when we met up and started to date. after so many good and bad changes occured, we still able to accept each other. this is true love. you will realize true love when your partner has become another person who seems so closed but yet strange to you and you still love him or her for who he or her is. congratulation! congratulation to both us!
whatever we did on the past, hurting each other, scolding each other, acting cool to each other. we holding those matters seriuosly and not willing to let go on our past. today, i can tell you we already let go. forgiveness do happen among us. i am growing! 
maybe one day we will recouple again if he tells me:
i knew i have screwed it up, but i will love you forever!!!

and again!

Enough is enough. Enough is really meant enough. But, why I never learnt from it? I always told myself not to get distracted, not to easily fall into the trap again. Whatever happen, just stand still with my own principle. But, alas, i always failed =_______________= (Maybe. I don't even know what is my principle?)
A girl is willing to travel for more than 20km for ONE WAY every single night just to see a guy who he himself not really treats her well. Back and forth 40km. Just to spend 2 to 3 hours to meet a guy? A Mr Not Nice Guy, wtf. Go home late at night or i should say early in the morning 1am to 2am or 3am? I just can say she is so STUPID! Opsss.. she is very GREAT!
The guy left her alone on the roadside with her own car and drives his car to look for his beloved wife. The girl unwilling to give up coz the guy just dumped her alone. She secretly followed his car to his destination. The guy only awared when he almost reach his beloved wife's house. Why the guy so foolish? Not even aware when someone is followed while cruising along the road? It's funny for me! Long story short, the girl didn't managed to know where his beloved wife's stay. It's LUCKY! Else, the innocent wife might in "danger". Hahaha!
Few morale of the story:-
1. The guy is lucky because he found a girl who loves him more than he does.
2. The girl is so great in giving out her love but unfortunately to a wrong man in her life.
I concluded, both of them don't even know what is LOVE about! The girl is a possesive person. The guy is not insisted enough. Obviously, the guy really really loves his wife but he has screwed it up!

The biggest secret for my post is I AM THE BELOVED WIFE, wtf, kns!
HAHAHAHAHAHA, yeah, serioulsy, just for sharing, for fun to fuel your day up! :D

I am moving...
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